Being Authentic Doesn't Work For Me; And It's Not Working for You, Either

I recently met one of my clients at a local coffee shop.

She walked in looking just adorable. She was wearing a fabulous denim jacket with some cute boho jewelry. I could tell she’d taken time to style her hair into loose beachy waves. Her look was polished off with skinny jeans and on trend tall boots. Super cute!

This mom of two adult children didn’t look much older than the pictures she’s shown to me of her own kids.

She was totally rocking a healthy, energetic vibe. She had it going on.

Yet, once she got her coffee and settled in for our coaching session, her veil came down.

She told me that she feels like hot mess (her words not mine, I promise.)

As she continued, she shared that she was worried about her son’s choices in college and was afraid that he might not graduate because of his failing grades.

She was feeling disconnected from her husband since his recent job promotion.

Her mother in law was ill and even though she had her own full time job, my client was taking care her mother in law in the evenings, because her husband didn’t have the time.

Life was definitely taking a toll on her.

With all of this worry on her heart, and the extra time spent time caring for her mother in law, she was exhausted from trying to keep all the balls in the air. She was running on empty.

What I saw on the outside wasn’t at all what was going on inside.

On the outside, she looked like she had it all together.

But, after being given the opportunity to show up raw and real, (almost as if she was waiting for permission to just be real), she revealed that on the inside she felt like she was NOT ENOUGH.

And she’s not alone.

In my business as a coach and speaker to smart passionate women, I see this ALL THE TIME.

Yet, we don’t talk about it in our “do more to be more” culture.

Our outsides may say “Pretty, Organized and Calm".

But our insides are screaming “I’m So Not Enough”

So, what do we do about this incongruity?

We talk a lot about authenticity. We hear the word “authentic” everywhere. (It’s such a buzz word right now.)

We label ourselves as authentic.

But, telling people that you’re an authentic person just doesn’t work for me.

And I believe it’s doing a disservice to all of us.

As I see it, the overuse of the word “authenticity” isn’t helping us as women to feel connected and understood. (These two things come up in every workshop I lead. We want to be seen and we want to connect.)

So, rather than telling people that you’re authentic... Show them.

People will know who you are by how you show up.

Just show up… raw and real.

My client knew she could tell me what was going on inside, because she knew I wouldn't judge.

She knew that together we’d figure out how to move forward.

 And we can be better at that.

Stop the labels and just show up.

In my Facebook group #LivingFullyBalanced, in the presentations I facilitate, AND especially in the coaching programs I lead, women tell me that they are craving connection.

Why? Because we don’t feel like we can show up without being judged.

So, let’s stop the judging and comparing.

Instead, practice showing up for each other.

I know it feels risky. I’ve felt it, too. And that’s why I’m compelled to create a cultural shift.

There IS a way to comfortably practice showing up raw and real.

With my proven Love Your Life Again Program, women are changing their inner dialogue, and in turn, they’re changing the trajectory of their lives.

After working with me, their insides finally match their outsides.

If you’re interested in learning more about how they did it, I’ve included some of my coaching strategies in the ebook, 7 Days to Loving Your Life Again. Click here for your free copy.

And, if you know you’re ready to change things up for yourself, I’d invite you to learn more about the Love Your Life Again Program. The spring session is starting soon... April 16, 2018.

The women of the LYLA Program are passionate about what they do, and they’re supportive action takers. They're heart-centered and ready to show up for each other.

When you’re ready to match your inner dialogue with your outer reality, book a Strategy Session with me.  And together we’ll create an action plan.

Let’s support each other and just show up.


Lisa Bobyak, Living Fully Balanced, LLC, inspires and equips smart, passionate women. For over 13 years, she’s been transforming audiences through her raw, real and engaging presentations. A model of resilience, she was diagnosed with a stroke at 44, betrayed by her husband, divorced and left in debt. Lisa has since recreated her life and is thriving. She’s now driven to create a cultural shift: Running on empty doesn’t have to be the norm.