When Your Body Won't Let You Look Away
Last night I read one news source I trust, texted two friends I care about and called one old friend "who gets me". It felt necessary. It felt small. It felt like barely anything at all.
Then I started doomscrolling Instagram while stress-eating an entire bowl of popcorn. Here's the thing I want you to understand: This wasn't a failure of willpower. It was my nervous system trying to regulate itself the simplest way it knew how.
Rather than my old pattern of harsh self-talk, I paused and said something like this to myself: "Well, eating that whole bowl wasn't the healthiest choice, but it sure makes sense given what you're up against. It's been A LOT. That's OK, sweetie. We can do this together. What can we do now that would make you feel safe and settled?"
That nuanced shift in my inner dialogue has been critical in my personal and professional growth—and it's exactly the kind of regulation skill I teach high-achieving, deeply attuned women (what I call HADA women).
If you're someone who feels guilty every time you close the news app... if there's a voice in your head saying "how can you just stop paying attention when so much is happening?"... if your body literally won't let you rest because caring means staying vigilant...
You're not broken. You're not "not doing enough."
You're experiencing what happens when your empathy system and your achievement drive collide during crisis. It can look like chronic jaw tension, neck and shoulder pain, GI issues, an ever present nausea upon waking.
And I want to give you a different framework for what's actually happening—and what actually helps.
Why You Can't Just "Unplug"
Here's what nobody tells HADA women: Your nervous system registers "not doing something" as a threat.
You're wired to scan for problems and solve them. It's what makes you excellent at your job. It's why people depend on you. But right now, your system is stuck in a loop:
See crisis → feel compelled to act
Take action → it doesn't feel like enough
Feel anxious → scroll for more information
More information → more overwhelm → more compulsion to act
Your nervous system thinks if it just gathers enough information and takes enough action, the threat will be resolved and you can finally rest. But endless crises don't work that way.
The guilt you feel when you turn off the news? That's not your conscience. That's dysregulation disguised as caring.
What Actually Helps
To be clear, these aren't just "self-care tips."
These are regulation strategies for a system that's been running hot for too long.
Titrate Your Input (Not "Unplug"): You can't go from 100% vigilance to zero. Your system will panic. Instead: Set specific times to check news (say, 9am and 6pm for 20 minutes). Outside those windows, the world can wait. You're not abandoning your values—you're acknowledging that your empathy system needs the same rest your achievement system does.
Recognize What's In Your Direct Control: Your brain is trying to solve problems that are genuinely outside your control. This creates a constant activation loop. Instead: Identify 2-3 specific, completable actions (donate here, call your rep, go to church, show up for this person). Then release. The compulsion to do more is often your nervous system seeking resolution it definitely won't find in doomscrolling. (I know I've tried.)
Find Your Grounding Anchor: Flow state activities aren't about "checking out". They're about giving your system proof that you're safe right now. When you're deep in a puzzle, reorganizing that drawer, moving through a sun salutation or kneading bread dough, your body receives the message: "I am here. I am safe. This moment is manageable." That's regulation.
Move to Complete the Stress Cycle: You already know moving helps. Here's why it matters more now: Your body has been preparing for action (that's what stress does) but never completing it. A walk, yoga, or even shaking it out literally completes that cycle. It's not about fitness. (I KNOW! Crazy talk, incoming.) It's about giving your system permission to discharge what it's been holding.
Write to Download, Not to Fix: Those morning pages aren't about gaining clarity (though that's nice). They're about getting the spin out of your head and onto paper so your system can stop trying to solve the same problems on a loop. No editing. No pressure. Just: What's taking up space right now? Get it out of your head, and put it onto paper. Cathartic journaling does wonders.
Practice Micro-Boundaries Without Guilt: The hardest part for HADA women: giving yourself permission to rest when the world hasn't "earned it" yet. Here's your permission slip: Your empathy is not infinite, and your body needs to recharge to sustain the care you give. Boundaries aren't selfish. They're how you stay in this for the long haul.
Let Yourself Genuinely Check Out: Sometimes your system just needs to collapse. That comfort show isn't avoidance. It's giving your nervous system a break from high-alert mode. The key is choosing it instead of numbing into it after three hours of doomscrolling. Intentional breaks are key.
The Real Work Right Now: If you're a HADA woman who feels compelled to do something... who feels guilty when you're not "productive" or "informed" or "doing enough"...
The most radical thing you can do right now is recognize that your dysregulation serves no one.
Not you. Not your family. Not the causes you care about.
You don't have to choose between caring and resting. You have to care and rest so you can keep caring tomorrow.
These are wild times. Times where our discomfort feels intolerable and differences of opinion feel threatening.
But the physiology of the body tells the whole story. The path forward isn't more information, louder opinions or stronger arguments.
It's deeper regulation. More capacity. More security. And oh… do we need a lot more of it.
If this resonated with you, here's what to do next:
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Lisa