I'm A Life Balance & Leadership Coach & I Have An Issue With Self Care
I’ve been practicing self care for years, long before it had its own hashtag. And, in recent years, I’ve seen a shift in the industry.
What once felt like a supportive community now feels very dogmatic and prescriptive to me.
The self care we're being sold, is rapidly becoming performative rituals at best,
and at worst, for the high achievers among us, it's descending into deeply harmful, paralyzing guilt.
With the amount of stress we’ve been under, living through the global pandemic, many of us looked to self care books and podcasts to heal our stress. We’ve followed influencers and celebrities to learn their tricks. So, I wasn’t surprised to hear that the self care industry has grown in recent years.
However, I was floored to learn that the self care industry has boomed from 10 billion dollars in 2010 to just over 450 billion dollars in 2020.
As a life balance and leadership coach, my job is to prevent and heal burnout in high achieving women, and I try to stay current on the trends and data surrounding the topic of burnout.
Burnout researchers and The Harvard Business Review conducted a recent survey in which they interviewed 1,500 people across 46 countries. 89% of those interviewed, stated that their life balance has gotten worse in the past three months and 85% said their well-being has declined during that time.
So, it made me wonder;
With self care seemingly everywhere,
why aren’t we feeling better?
When it comes to the topic of self care, many of my high performing clients “have tried it all” hoping to ease their chronic levels of stress. Here’s a mash-up of what I hear.
“I’m stressed, so I’ll try self care.
My stress levels didn’t improve.”
“I must be doing something wrong.
I know, I wasn’t doing enough.”
“I’ll do more self care activities and I’ll do them better than before.
UGH! Now, my stress levels are really high!.”
”I’m pretty sure that something’s wrong with me.
Self care works for everyone else.
I should be able to do this.
I’m ashamed I can’t figure this out on my own.”
“I’m not going to tell anyone what’s happening.
Others can solve their stress, but I can’t.”
“I failed at self care.
I’m a failure.”
What we hear: Self care is the solution to our stress.
What I see: The self care industry has (perhaps unintentionally) harmed our psyches.
And this is my issue with the self care industry. They’re selling us a myth.
Self care is NOT the solution to stress.
The solution to stress is in your mental framework.
I propose trading in your #selfcare
for something I call, radical self care.
Radical self care is caring for yourself in every moment, with every decision; it’s a mental framework for leading your life.
Getting a massage and expecting it to heal your stress,
Is like putting a bandaid on your stomach
And expecting it to cure your ulcer.
It won’t heal the burnout.
Self care is an inside job.
While self care can help relieve stress if it’s done intentionally, it’s the time we spend making intentional choices that matters most.
Let me be clear.
I AM devoted to self care.
And I have an issue with the self care industry.
I’m not trying to discourage you from practicing self care.
What I’m trying to show you, is that cookie cutter approaches won’t work long term.
I want to encourage you to take the time to figure out what self care looks like FOR YOU, IN YOUR PARTICULAR SITUATION, rather than following someone’s prescription.
You can feel balanced in your very busy life,
When you take time to pause and understand what you need.
If what I’m saying resonates with you, and yet you know that no matter what you try, nothing will stick unless you get away from what’s keeping you stuck, you need to check out THE PAUSE RETREAT.
This highly customized, luxury, personal development retreat is for you if you need a COVID compliant, welcoming space to make sustainable self care shifts in your life.
So, what can we do for ourselves, right now?
The next time you feel the impulse to follow another surface level, cookie cutter approach to self care, I encourage you to PAUSE and practice radical self care, instead.
Take a deep breath. And intentionally ask yourself:
“What do I need right now?”
You’ve come too far in life
To be made to feel guilty by a 450 billion dollar industry.
Running on empty doesn’t have to be your norm.
Want some effective self care strategies? I’ve got you covered. Download your free SELF CARE CHECKLIST. You can trade in the surface level hacks for sustainable tools to assure your wellbeing and contentment.
Lisa Bobyak, Life Balance Consultant, Leadership Coach and founder of Living Fully Balanced™, has been elevating the performance, perspective and peace of mind of high-achieving professionals on the brink of burnout for nearly a decade. Through her Living Fully Balanced™ methodology, she equips her clients with both the self-awareness and planning tools to thrive in our fast-paced, work-driven society. Her inspiring and educational presentations challenge the current hustle culture and offer strategies to prevent burnout and create balance. Lisa is the creator of the transformative Love Your Life Again program. She’s also authored the ebook, 7 Days to Loving Your Life Again and the Living Fully Balanced Life Planner©. Busy, professional women know that Lisa’s customized, quarterly Pause Retreats are their secret to creating a purpose driven and intentional life.