He Didn't Have to Go
This is a picture of my grandfather, Pvt. Russel D. Stein.
PVT Russel D. Stein 134th Inf. Regt. C Co. Battle of the Bulge, Jan. 4, 1945
I never met him. My mother was three years old when they received the news that he was killed in action during the largest battle on the western front, the Battle of the Bulge.
Unlike many others of his generation, he didn't have to go to war. He had an automatic deferment because his work was essential.
My grandfather was Postmaster General of his small town in Kutztown, Pennsylvania. He was also above the age of the draft. He had a wife and a daughter who, I can imagine, were precious to him.
He enlisted anyway.
Because of the action he took, I'm left to assume that he was a man of conviction. He knew the risk of going to war, and yet he still chose to go.
Thinking about his life of service, I find myself returning to the same difficult question, one I come back to more and more as I get older, and on Memorial Day especially:
What am I willing to die for?
It's nearly impossible for me to answer. The difficulty is that I've never been put in that position, to die for something.
Because my grandfather, and other men and women with similar convictions, fought for the United States and took an oath to protect and honor its Constitution, you and I haven't been placed in that situation.
I never knew my grandfather and didn't have the opportunity to ask him about what he valued. But we see his values in how he chose to live his life.
He was an athlete. He was a scholar. He was a national parks ranger. He was a man of faith. He was a servant leader in his community. He was a soldier.
The truth is, if you want to know and understand a person, take a look at what they do.
What we value is reflected in how we spend our time.
So today I sit and reflect on the lives of the countless men and women who didn't come home from war.
I'm filled with gratitude for what they chose to fight for.
And I'm also filled with the sobering reality that I have the responsibility to make similar choices.
The quality of my life is measured by my daily choices.
I owe it to my grandfather and other fallen heroes to live a life that is congruent with my values, congruent with my faith, and congruent with our constitution.
The majority of us aren't living at that level of intentionality.
I’d like to think that we’d prefer that level of clarity and conviction, but our culture just doesn't make room for it.
Because we're doers and thinkers and life goes fast, we keep moving. Somewhere along the way it started to feel like that's just the way it is. No time to think. No space to catch our breath.
The calendar fills and the obligations stack. Sometimes it feels like we're checking off more than we are actually living.
And the thread back to what we truly value, what we'd actually choose if we slowed down long enough to choose it, gets harder and harder to find.
What made my grandfather the kind of man who could make a decision like that, clear-eyed and costly, wasn't just his character.
It was clarity. He was clear in what he valued.
So when the moment came, he didn't have to figure it out under pressure. He already knew it in his bones.
That's what strong leadership looks like. To be able to make hard decisions, from a solid foundation, knowing without a doubt what you believe to be true.
It takes time and effort to gain that level of clarity.
Our culture rarely honors what it takes to build that foundation. I do, and so do the women I partner with.
Twice a day, we take a few minutes to briefly return to ourselves. A moment to clarify and ground what comes next before the momentum of the day decides for us.
A few weeks into our work together, a client sent me a Voxer message that I've thought about many times since.
She was navigating something genuinely hard, something that in the past would have sent her straight into overthinking mode.
This time she paused long enough to notice what was actually happening inside her. Then she said this: "I can be scared, I can be fearful, and also be safe and confident at the same time."
That's not just a mindset reframe. That's a woman who has done enough inner work to hold two true things at once without catastrophizing either one.
That kind of clarity doesn't come from pushing harder, generating more options or polling people you respect.
It comes from slowing down long enough to let the data land.
Our corporate cultures don't support that level of thought.
And yet I'd argue it's exactly what's needed right now, not just for us women navigating our own lives, but for the organizations and families that depend on our leadership.
I see too many capable, brilliant women losing time to self-doubt.
It's not that their ideas need more development. It's that they haven't had enough space, or enough support, to hear themselves clearly.
Bone-deep clarity comes when you tune out the external noise long enough to hear and feel the truth within yourself.
If you want to make decisions without second-guessing yourself…
If you want to feel grounded in every choice rather than wasting time circling back in doubt…
You need to be crystal clear in what you value and what you're willing to build your life around.
This is the reason I built The Living by Design Session.
This coaching session is where we look at the full picture together. What you're building. What it's costing you. Whether the life you're living is actually the one you'd design if you gave yourself permission to.
My grandfather lived his life by design. Military service requires nothing less. You have to know what you value before the moment of decision arrives, and you have to know it with full conviction, before the cost is named.
That kind of intentional life is available to all of us. But it doesn't happen by accident.
If you're ready to start building yours, I'd love to spend 50 minutes with you. The Living by Design Session is $150. If we decide that continuing our work together is the right next step after your session, the fee applies toward the full investment. You can learn more and schedule [here].
On this Memorial Day, as I do every year, I sit in quiet awe of my grandfather.
His clarity. His conviction.
A man I never met, yet feel I know well, because of how he chose to lead his life.
I'll do my best to live with similar integrity.
Lisa Bobyak founded Living Fully Balanced LLC because she got tired of watching brilliant women break themselves trying to maintain excellence, in part because she'd been one of them. For over a decade, she's worked with high-achieving, deeply attuned women who are doing everything right. Competent, disciplined, and highly self-aware. Armed with strategies, protocols, and solid habits. The level of their exhaustion doesn't match their effort to feel better.
If you're a high-achieving woman who's tired of working harder at your own wellbeing than you work at everything else... you don't have to break yourself to prove your worth.
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