I'm embarrassed to talk about it, because it's harsh and judgmental, and it calls out a nasty little flaw of mine. What I thought about, almost daily, wasn’t very nice. My thoughts back then, could even be considered mom-bashing.
I think it's so hard for me to talk about now, because what I used to believe, completely rubs up against one of my current values. And this Value interestingly, is a topic that many of my clients want to talk about in our coaching sessions.
Sharing this with you is a clear reminder that we are all works in progress . And it’s an example of how our thought patterns can be changed, with conscious effort. I’m so very glad that I changed my perspective on this one, because I believe it helped me create the life I was meant to lead.
So I don’t keep you guessing any longer, here’s my confession:
"When I was home and raising my little ones, I used to think that the women who exercised, had their hair cut, got manicures, etc., while their children were being taken care of by someone else... Well, I thought they were being selfish."
Ouch. It still smacks, even though it’s been well over a decade since I last had those thoughts. At that time I was struggling with managing my weight, finding time for myself and in general just saying no. And there I was, inadvertently condemning fellow moms who had successfully found ways to balance those things in their lives.
I didn't share my thoughts with anyone. I didn’t articulate those words out loud. But that inner voice in my head was loud and those thoughts gnawed at me. Knowing what I know now, I wonder if by judging others, I was able to keep the spotlight of change (or shame?) off of me and onto them. Hmmmm. Some meaty food for thought.
I'm so very sorry for not being open to seeing a different perspective back then. And I apologize for disparaging any mom, for any thing. Being a mom is tough. Back then, I needed to do more supporting and less judging.
I live my life very differently than I lived it even ten years ago. A lot has changed for me since then. And rather than tell you all about the many things that I've altered to become healthier in body, mind and spirit, I want to focus on one thing.
Let me say it again. Self-care is not selfish.
If you wrestle with finding time to take care of yourself, know that it won't be easy to make those changes. Changing a mindset takes patience and guidance. However, you can set yourself up for a successful mindset change when you partner with a trusted professional.
Practicing self-care may be THE KEY to moving forward in other areas of your life.
I believe all us were designed to share our gifts. And I also believe that we can’t possibly share our full potential unless we take care of ourselves first.
I see it so often in my coaching practice. A client comes to me, finally ready to “put themselves first”. And the healthy changes they institute for themselves have a huge impact on the important people in their lives.
Want to create positive change?
Here are some Coaching Questions for you to consider:
- Where in your life do you feel stuck?
- How could taking care of yourself through the "stickiness" support your growth? (Talk to yourself like you would your best friend, with this one.)
- What does self-care look like for you? (a walk outside, some time alone, some time with a group, packing a healthy snack for work, taking a nap when you’re tired?)
- Who could you ask to help you stay accountable to taking care of yourself? (Could you and a friend partner together? Would putting reminders on your calendar work for you? Would you like to work with a coach so you create sustainable habit changes?)
My personal shift in mindset manifested itself around self-care. And it only happened once I realized that my current way of thinking was holding me back. But once I recognized that, I was equipped for more healthy changes on all levels.
If you’re feeling stuck or repeatedly struggling with the same challenge like I was, your mindset could be to blame. The good news for you is that you don’t have to make a major confession in order to experience a major transformation.
Take the time to ask yourself some key questions, and take care of yourself in the process.